High Anxiety
by AliceSloane13
Summary: Nicky is still fairly new at Litchfield. She's bonded with Red, but isn't quite used to having someone to lean on. Movie night should be the perfect excuse to spend some time together, but Nicky struggles with allowing herself that moment.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: As you can tell, I have other things I should be doing. Procrastination is a bitch, but you guys benefit from it! This is short, but it's only part 1. I think it's going to be 3 or 4 parts in total. I have it about halfway finished, but this seemed like a good stopping place for now. Enjoy!

XOXOXO

Nicky sat in her bunk debating on whether or not she wanted to go to movie night. It had been a long day, and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to be around anyone. Her mood sucked, and she knew the movie would be shit anyways. From what the other inmates said it always was.

She had only been going to electrical for a week, but she already dreaded it every single day. Luschek was an ass. For whatever reason—that she still didn't understand—he had singled her out by the first day. His newt—his most annoying endearment out of the handful he'd bestowed upon her. Now it was a constant berating of harassment and mockery at her expense.

Nicky knew she shouldn't take it personally—hell, if they were out in the real world she'd give it right back to him. But they weren't in the real world. The power play between them made her miserable, and she knew she had to keep her mouth in check. She'd seen him give people shots for all sorts of arbitrary reasons.

"Hey Nichols," Lorna said, popping into her cube. The other woman had a knack for finding her when she least wanted company. "You coming to the movie tonight?" she asked, jerking her head towards the dorm exit. "I never heard of it, but it's something to do."

Shrugging, Nicky looked down at her hands worrying the edge of her shirt. "I dunno," she replied, running a hand through her hair. It was a familiar gesture in response to any sort of pressure or anxiety. "I was thinking I might just hang out in here, ya know?" she shrugged, offering a weak smile.

Lorna pressed her lips into a judgey pout and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sitting down next to Nicky she shook her head. "Why ya gonna do that? You can do that any night."

"Yeah, but it's usually crowded as fuck in here. Little peace and quiet might be a nice change," Nicky said, ducking her head. She didn't know how to explain it, let alone to Lorna. The girl was like a fucking ray of sunshine and seemed pretty clueless to her brooding nature. "You go on, don't want you to lose your seat kid."

Lorna stood up in front of Nicky. Instead of walking away, like Nicky hoped, Lorna leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "Alright, but if you change your mind…" she trailed off.

Nicky rubbed her cheek and waved the other woman off. "Yeah, yeah," she grunted, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. Lorna had never once pinged on her radar, but there was something about that kiss that felt oddly less than platonic. The attention made her stomach drop, maybe Ms. Morello wasn't quite as straight as she claimed.

Grinning, satisfied with the results of her visit, Lorna headed out of the cube. Once out of sight, she cocked her head curiously and backed up. "I could stay with you if you wanted," she offered, biting her cherry red lip.

Shaking her head, Nicky jutted her chin towards the exit. "Nah, you go on ahead. Thanks kid."

Lorna stared at her for a moment, before nodding. She left without another word leaving Nicky alone with her thoughts once more. Footsteps echoed behind her friend, and if she weren't going crazy, it almost sounded like the other woman was skipping. Only Morello could be that fucking perky in prison.

Nicky flopped down on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't figure out why she felt so damn empty. The fear she'd held before acclimating to prison was gone—had been gone for days. She knew that she had Red to thank for that. Being accepted and included in her family had probably been the best thing to happen to her since she'd arrived.

The loathsome voice in the back of her mind reminded her that it was probably the best thing that had ever happened to her period. Which, of course, translated into the doubt that it was only a matter of time before she fucked it up. Relationships of any sort had never been her specialty.

Red had quickly become her touchstone—her tether. She was the stable figure in her new life that she used to ground herself. It worried her. If things were different, she would have long ago pushed the older woman away in fear of getting hurt, but Red was different. It left Nicky vulnerable to disappointment and pain. This time she was prepared to take that risk.

Red treated her like she did all her other girls, but in moments when they were alone, she was softer with Nicky. There was a tenderness about her that Nicky never expected her to have. It was certainly unlike any attention Nicky had received before. Somehow Red managed to alleviate Nicky's fears and shove the voices from her head. She cared for her in a way that Nicky could believe in.

When Nicky spoke, she listened to her. No matter what the younger woman was rambling about Red paid attention. She looked at Nicky—watched her—even when they weren't interacting. Nicky would look up and find Red's eyes on her, and she could see Red's features soften. It was weird to feel important to someone, but Red made her feel special like she was actually wanted—like she mattered.

Sighing heavily, Nicky sat up. She scrunched her eyes and dropped her head. Her stomach felt twisted, and she suddenly felt an irrational fear that just kept building. It felt like it might push the tears that she didn't want right out of her eyes. It was a feeling that she was experiencing more and more often, and she had slowly narrowed down the cause. Well, the cause was still iffy, but the solution was easy.

With jerky motions and angry huffs, Nicky began to put her boots back on. The idea of tying the laces even pissed her off, so she just shoved them inside and let the tongues flop loosely about. Rising to her feet, Nicky ran a hand through her hair once more. She felt the tugging of need spurring her on, and she hated herself for it. All she knew was that she wanted to see Red.

It was ridiculous. She and Red had just been at dinner together an hour ago. Even as a child, wishing that Marka would spend time with her or even talk to her—instead of at her—Nicky hadn't felt such a longing. She felt naive for even wondering, but she couldn't help but question if this was how people felt when they were homesick.

Reminding herself that Red wouldn't even notice her presence when she got there, Nicky stomped her way through the halls and towards the common room. There was no way she'd find a seat near the rest of the family, but all the same, she trudged on. It was a perverse sort of torture that she felt the need to inflict upon herself. She'd be in the same room, be able to watch her even, but this was not an opportunity to bond. It wouldn't be enough to quench her innate need for closeness.

Nicky shoved the door open, ignoring the glares she received from the back row. It was a stupid movie from who knows how long ago; what the hell did they think they were missing? She spotted an empty chair near the back but was stopped in her tracks. As if sensing her presence Red had turned around and was looking at her. She gestured for Nicky to come to her.

A lump formed in her throat, and her face fell into something akin to relief. _Special_. She nodded as though in a daze. It wasn't what she expected. How did Red always know?

Ignoring several more dirty looks and comments, Nicky made her way to the front of the room to where Red was sitting. "I saved you a seat," the woman said, her voice gravelly and low. No one dared to tell her to keep it down. "You're late," she chided, patting the seat next to her. With Nicky, it was always a balancing act between being firm and being loving towards her. There was a line there that she constantly teetered, depending upon what the younger woman needed and what Red wished to reveal.

The young girl had become an important figure in Red's life. Not only had she become another one of her girls, but she was quickly becoming the person Red confided in most. Nicky was level-headed, tough, and so very smart. She understood Red, but she wasn't afraid to tell her when she thought Red was wrong either.

She could talk to her without worrying about knee jerk reactions like Gina. That girl had a temper that caused her to act first and think later. As far as Norma went, she didn't always like to burden her friend with her own troubles or worries. She was a good friend and formidable enough to handle it, but she had a gentleness that Red respected.

Nicky felt Red's hands on her hips, guiding her as she crossed in front of Red to the metal chair awaiting her. They were strong and confident. She hadn't needed the stabilization, but she could feel her stomach knot at the gesture. _Wanted_. Before she could sit down, she couldn't help but notice the glare Gina was directing towards her. "What?" she hissed.

"Nothing," Gina snapped. She stared at Nicky for another moment before turning back to the movie, a snarl on her lips. Nicky could feel the wave of resentment crashing towards her, but there was nothing to do about it. She just wished she knew what Gina had against her.

She opened her arms in question, but Gina was obviously done with the interaction. She felt a hand circle her wrist and looked down to see Norma smiling at her in sympathy. Nicky nodded, knowing that she wasn't going to get any further response from Gina.

Sitting down, Nicky leaned over to Red. "What's up with the resident anger ball?" she asked. She felt like she still hadn't gotten to know Gina, but all of their interactions thus far had been short and unpleasant.

"Don't mind her," Red said, taking Nicky's hand in hers. "She's upset because I made her move seats." She squeezed Nicky's hand and looked at her with a knowing grin.

Brow furrowing in confusion, Nicky shook her head. What wasn't she understanding? "Why'd ya do that?"

"Silly girl," Red said chucking her under the chin. "I made her move so that you would have a place."

Nicky bit her lip. She was already fighting back a smile, but she had to be sure. "Yeah, but you could have saved me a seat anywhere. I'd probably be pretty pissed at you too."

Red rolled her eyes. "I wanted you with me," she said matter 'o factly. Before Nicky could respond, Red looked back towards the movie.

Sitting there with a dopey grin on her face, Nicky couldn't drag her eyes away from Red's profile. _Special_. _Wanted_. _Loved?_ The feelings flared up within her and her eyes misted over at the sensation of belonging—the feeling of home.

"This movie is ridiculous. High Anxiety…" Red said, tilting her head towards the younger woman without taking her eyes off the screen. She didn't want Nicky to see how pleased she was with her presence. For a little while, she had worried that the younger woman wouldn't show up, but she was here now, and all was right once more.

Nicky took her first real look at the movie and chuckled. "Nah, this movie is great. Haven't you ever since a Hitchcock film?" Red's blank gaze answered that for her. "That's why it doesn't amuse you. Trust me—you'd love it if you knew what they were making fun of."

 _Snatching open a shower curtain a bellboy began thrusting a newspaper at the man inside."Here! Here's your paper! Here's your lousy, stinking paper! Happy now?" There was an angry strumming bar of music beating in the background with a jagged energy only seen in classic horror films. As the ink swirled down the drain the man in the shower, holding a now soggy paper, stared at the retreating bellboy in confusion. "That boy gets no tip," he deadpanned._

Red turned her head to give Nicky a skeptical look. She noticed the emotions welled up in the puppy dog eyes Nicky was looking at her with and chuckled. She shook her head in amusement and wrapped an arm around Nicky's shoulders. "Whatever you say," she said, tugging her girl snugly against her.

XOXOXO

A/N: The movie referenced is Mel Brook's _High Anxiety(1977)._ It's terribly cheesy, but fun. It also spoofs some of the more popular Hitchcock movies so that can definitely make or break it.


	2. Chapter 2

The women exited the common room, scattering in their various directions. The halls were full of laughter and energy. Nicky might have been the only one to have genuinely appreciated the movie for what it was, but the film itself was never the important part of movie night. It was a chance to feel normal and burn off some of the pent up depression they each suffered from on occasion.

"I need to go check on something in the kitchen," Red said, squeezing Nicky's shoulder. "I'll come see you before lights out." Without waiting for a response, she left the woman's side.

Nicky bit her lip and watched Red's retreating form before she got shoved along by the crowd behind her. Her center warmed at Red's words, and she felt a faint blush streak her cheeks. She wasn't used to this sort of gentle attention-especially not from a maternal figure. Most of the attention Nicky had experienced in her life had either been an attempt to win Marka's favor or because the person wanted something from her. The drug world was not a place to make friends-no matter how many people tried to hide beneath that disguise.

There was no reason for the older woman to come see her, but Red wanted to. She couldn't help, but doubt the validity of Red's possible desire. Did she really want to come see her, or did she know that Nicky wanted her to and felt some obligation to helping her settle in?

Nicky had already been there a month, but still, she noticed that Red went out of her way to make sure she was getting settled. Had she done that with all the girls when they first arrived? As far as time went, Nicky was the baby of the group. She had been there the shortest amount of time and had no reference point for Red's behavior. A part of her hoped that she was different-that Red's actions and attention were just for her.

"Move it, Nichols," Boo said, leading one of the younger women by the hand. "I realize your date tonight was with mommy, but uh some of us have real dates to finish if you know what I mean." She jostled Nicky playfully with her elbow as they stopped to talk.

Nicky tipped her chin at Boo and grinned. "Yeah, yeah. Just having an off night. You wouldn't have a chance in hell if I were your competition," she said with a smirk. "Isn't that right sweetheart?" Nicky said, with a husky voice as she placed a hand on the stranger's waist, and tugged her towards her.

Boo chuckled as she saw the blush sweep across her conquests face. "Let's go," she said, throwing Nicky a playful glare. "Daddy's gonna take real good care of you," she promised the woman, leading her away from Nicky. It wasn't always a competition between them in the sense of going after the same girl. Their flirting styles and personas were as different as night and day. The bigger competition was in comparing numbers. It had become a harmless game between them that served as both a good distraction for Nicky and playful entertainment to break the monotony of their day-to-day lives.

"You may get the straight girls, but when they're ready for an actual woman they'll know who to turn to," Nicky called after them. She laughed in response to Boo flicking her off and yelling _bite me_ over her shoulder. Shoving her hair off her face, Nicky headed towards her dorm. Between the time with Red and the joking around with Boo her mood had lightened. It had turned out to be a good night after all.

Originally Nicky had been a little intimidated by Boo's gruff nature, but ever since Red had asked her to get Nicky out of a bad situation, she'd realized she was more bark than bite-at least that kind of bite. They had evolved into a sibling rivalry sort of dynamic. She'd never had much in the way of family, but Red had dubbed her part of their group, and everyone had welcomed her.

Moving back towards the center of the wave of people, Nicky bumped shoulders with the person next to her.

"Wanna look where you're going?" Gina asked with a snarl. She threw her hands up aggressively, daring Nicky to get near her.

 _Almost everyone_ , she thought. "Sorry," Nicky said, too tired to deal with Gina's irrationality. The girl was always on her case about something, and she really didn't have the patience to deal with it. She'd been trying to hold back her own frustration because Red liked her and she had been part of the family longer, but there was only so much she could handle.

Gina huffed out and snarled at her, stepping towards her and navigating them out of the throng of bodies. "Oh I'm sure you are," she said, stepping closer. She shook her head in irritation and narrowed her eyes.

"Dude, what the fuck is your problem with me?" Nicky snapped, not backing up any further. She wasn't going to let this twig of a person bully her back against the wall. "I said I'm sorry; it was a fucking accident man."

Gina pulled her head back and looked at Nicky in disgust. "I don't have a problem with you."

" _Clearly_ you do," Nicky said in disbelief. "You've been on my case since day one. It's ridiculous." She shoved a hand through her hair and put a hand on her hip. She had too many things on her mind to worry about then what the next thing Gina was going to get pissy about.

"Pfft, you don't know what you're talking about, _princess_ ," Gina said, clenching her hands into fists. "Why would I waste my time on you?" Under the fluorescent night time lighting, she looked paler and smaller than usual. Nicky couldn't help but picture her as an angry little dog, thinking it was bigger than it really was, having a hissy fit.

Nicky let out a bitter laugh of disbelief. "See that right there. Why is it that I get attitude from you for everything I do?" Dropping her hands to her side, she clenched her fists reminding herself that Red would be pissed if she did anything.

She knew that her cheeks were red. She wasn't afraid of Gina, but they had gathered a small crowd, and the fact that she couldn't do anything bothered her. Nicky could take care of herself, but she couldn't help imagine how she looked right now-cornered by Gina's big mouth and small frame.

Shaking her head, Gina leaned forward and with eyes no more than slits, and scowled. "Maybe because some people had to actually work to get where we are." She never planned on telling Nicky how long it took her to impress Red and be accepted. It had been chores, tasks, and a very lengthy trial period.

Opening her arms up, Nicky turned her palms facing up. "I don't know where it is you think I came from, but I promise you it wasn't that great." Nicky knew that most people would have considered her childhood lucky, but that was all window dressing. Money meant nothing when that was all you had.

"See you just don't get it. I'm not talking about out there," Gina said. She pursed her lips and shook her head, her entire body shaking in anger. For the first time, the pain Gina was feeling was evident in her eyes. Whatever it was that Red saw in Nicky, she didn't have. Norma spent more time with Gina than Red ever had.

"You mean prison?" Nicky wasn't going to let that fleeting moment of emotion steer her away from her own feelings. She had dealt with Marka trying to guilt her enough to be immune to emotional manipulation. "I hate to break it to you kid, but I'm pretty sure we all fucked up to end up in here. You do know that's not a good thing right?"

Her prickly body language was starting to melt into defeat, but her hackles were still raised, and she looked as if she might take a bite out of Nicky if the other woman said the wrong thing. "I mean in the family-with Red," Gina elaborated. She didn't know why she still cared. Gina had become a member of the family, and her place shouldn't have mattered-she had found her home.

"Still don't know what you're talking about," Nicky said exasperatedly. Why the fuck wouldn't Gina just leave her alone? She rubbed the palm of her hand against her forehead and could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. Not caring how it looked, she leaned back against the wall-trying not to think about what the sticky residue covering everything was-and crossed her arms.

Gina held out a hand in emphasis, flapping it about in an attempt to accentuate her words. "Some of us had to work to get her approval-you walk in all weak and needy, and suddenly you're the golden child who can do no wrong. You know I had to do clean trays and take out the trash for over a month before she would even acknowledge that I had a name?"

Nicky shook her head. "Look, I don't know what happened between you two, but I'm not trying to stir up any trouble here." Despite Gina's obvious pain, a thrill crawled up Nicky's spine. _Wanted_.

"Yeah?" Gina asked challengingly. "Well, maybe that's because you are the trouble," she snapped, pushing Nicky roughly. It had little effect since Nicky was pressed against the wall already, but the action was still too far.

Nicky held up her hands as she rose from her slump and stood at her full height-which wasn't all that tall, but she was taller than Gina. "Whoa Mighty Mouse. Take it easy there." She didn't know whether to laugh or let her temper loose. This was going too far. "You really want to get pushy with me?"

Gina took another step forward but managed to keep her hands to herself. "Don't tell me what to do," she said, pointing in Nicky's face.

Shoving Gina's hands away, she stepped forward and watched as the other woman tried to subtly back up. "I'm not looking for any trouble, but clearly you are," Nicky said, ready to end this conversation. She started to walk away from the other woman, but Gina quickly moved in front of her.

There was a loud clapping sound in the hall and everyone present silenced and turned to look. A couple of the other woman made noises of excitement, while several others took off. They knew better than to hang around. If the older woman-who was docile by nature-was getting involved Red wouldn't be far behind. Norma stood there, hands on her hips, eyes locked onto Gina.

Walking towards them, she angrily snatched Gina by the arm and tugged on her trying to drag her away from Nicky. Gina's behavior was clearly unacceptable. She shook her head and pressed her other hand around Gina's back and on her shoulder, trying to offer comfort.

Shaking Norma off, Gina faced her. "Oh is this another time where we're supposed to just keep our mouths shut to protect her delicate emotions? One more time that princess doesn't have to deal with the realities of what the rest of us deal with? This is bullshit." Norma raised an eyebrow at the younger woman, and Gina looked down and apologized for raising her voice at her.

She spit the words out with a venom that Nicky couldn't understand. "What is she talking about?" she asked, looking at Norma with genuine concern. She wanted Red's attention, but suddenly Gina made it seem like they were all keeping something from her. Nicky had spent so much of her life trying to blend in that the idea of being the outcast brought out her own insecurities.

"Enough," Red's voice boomed through the hall. If Norma had induced a silence upon the area than what Red had done instilled a deathly chill. The remaining women scattered. "Nicky, go to bed," she said, dismissing her.

"Yeah, but-" Nicky tried to argue, dropping her body to the side as she silently begged to understand.

A single eyebrow raise and Nicky lost her train of thought. She opened her mouth to protest her innocence, but when Red gave her a warning look her head dropped, knowing that by arguing she had disappointed her. Nicky turned on her heels and walked away, scuffing her boots along the floor in frustration. On her way out she could hear Red telling Norma that she would deal with Gina. Nicky heard Norma's nearly silent footsteps shadow her own as she made her way back to the dorms.


End file.
